You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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