Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
