so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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