By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
