break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want her autograph on my taint
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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