i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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