I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
