maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
