We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize