ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
