Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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