dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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