She went from zero to smokin in five shots
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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