let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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