i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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