i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
