Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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