you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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