Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
