Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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