She is in my trunk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
