Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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