I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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