carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
