i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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