I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
