i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
