They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
