thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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