There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
