if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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