the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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