I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
