I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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