You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
