I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
