I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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