i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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