Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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