We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
