so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
