I just pynch a tree in the face
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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