If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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