Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
