When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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