She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
