ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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