roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
