Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
