THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
