he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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