Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
