ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can feel your judgement through the phone
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
