I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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