spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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