i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
