He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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