so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
