FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
