i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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