First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
