i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
