what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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