I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
