You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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