I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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