It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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