Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
