You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
