i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
PANTIES FOUND
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