I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
