I have demons in me.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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