Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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