I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
