i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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