You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
