That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
