Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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